I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
