I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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