dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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