If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
