all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
