A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
