Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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