i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
