She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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