i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
