It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
