i think my tv is drunk
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
