drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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