my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
