i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Randomize
