Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
