we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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