i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
don't judge my taste in strippers
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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