I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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