the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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