Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
