well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
