please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
It's Friday. Sex?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
