DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
