how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
pop tarts are not kleenex
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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