I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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