you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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