since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
