I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
