i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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