Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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