My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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