its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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