apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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