she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
