I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
