It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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