One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize