So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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