so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
two words: eviction party
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
