Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
