R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
