Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
