My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize