I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
