dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
