I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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