Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
