I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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