i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize