just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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