i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
