Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
