I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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