cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Small penises have feelings too.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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