Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
