At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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