i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
