Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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