I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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