don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Dicks are not precious.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
