weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
