I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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